Dear Japanese Wind God,

Why do you hate me so much? Do you think it's funny watching me suffer with your cynical laugh sending chills down my bones? Why do you torment me so? Why?!!!!!!

Is it because you know that there are holes in my windows and doors? Is it because you like to watch my ripped shoji flutter like a dying butterfly? Are you laughing at my vain attempts to tape up the cracks and cover them with plastic? Is it because you want me to lose all hope in staying warm and depend on my friend jack daniels to keep me company?

Is it because you are raging a war against all my umbrellas trying to break their bones with your mighty fist? Let's take a look at the score board: Wind 4. Umbrellas 0. I've spent close to $50 just on umbrellas. Not funny. Just today I caved into my stomachs hunger and walked to the grocery store a mile from my house. Using my umbrella as a shield from the wind in the rain holding it at a 90 degree angle from the ground. Well, this also meant I couldnt see the light post on the corner...at least I made for a good dinner time story for all the folks in town. Husband to wife "Oh hey honey, I saw this white guy run into a lamp post and he then proceeded to drag his broken umbrella along the ground as the rain soaked through every layer of clothing. I bet he's going to get sick. Stupid outsider." Every broken umbrella is another white flag I put up that you then take and rip to shreds.

Is it because you hate my bicycle? Do you like watching me ride at 45 degree angle just so you don't blow me over? Do you like to watch it hit the ground when it's parked outside of school? Do you count how many bikes you can knock over with one blow? Are you playing dominoes with all the students bikes?

Are you jealous of the real fury of the tornados of the midwest and envious of their destructive power? Are you trying to show the cyclones your muscles?

Are you howling loud to cover the noise from the neighbors mating cats? I hate them too. Sounds like an old woman with arthritis trying to do jumping jacks.

Is it because you have a grudge against your father and this is your way of rebelling? Why don't you do what all the kids in my high school did and just blast Blink 182 and talk about being hardcore.


Is it because you are huffing and puffing and trying to blow my house down? Not gonna happen. This house my be old, but I'm pretty sure this house has planted its roots deep in the ground like an ancient redwood. Not going anywhere.

Is it because you like to watch the birds fly in vain? Picking them up and ramming them into sides of buildings and cars?

I don't know why you are so angry wind god. But I feel like its nothing a little real soul searching couldn't fix. Take a look deep down and see what's bothering you. Let's get to heart of the problem and stop using your fury as an excuse to cover your pain. I know it will take some time, but I'm always here if you want to just talk it out.

Sincerely Yours,
A Very Cold and Wet Man