American Joke

As gaijin in Japan we all find ourselves in incredibly awkward situations all the time. Whether it be not understanding the lady at the checkout counter or committing some terrible social faux pas which attracts a response of the crowd around you sucking air through their teeth and pronouncing "ダメだよ！”As foreigners have endured the struggle to overcome such situations we have devloped a few methods to smoothe out any situation.

The most popular being - "American Joke" You can repeat these words after saying and doing almost anything and it will turns peoples eyes that wreak of judgement and hate to that of giggles and smiles. Oh no! You just passed food chopstick to chopstick "YOU CANT DO THAT!" yells that old woman, but it's ok, because AMERICAN JOKE! HAHA! Oh what's that? You just called your boss "stupid A%! muthaf!#$&!" No problem because "American Joke!"

Another thing you can do if you find yourself in a terrible situation is just remind everyone you don't speak Japanese. When the cops pull you over for speeding just throw up your arms and say "I DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE!" and drive away. Problem solved. You are hungry and take food off of another table at the restaurant. "You can't do that!" yells the waitress. Just yell back, "I DONT SPEAK JAPANESE!" Bam! Solved.

The third way to maneuver out of a tough situation is to you use your gaijin strength. All gaijin have been equipped with super human strength that gives us the ability to dunk a basketball, grow tall, hit home runs, and speak in a loud voice in public places. Oh no your boss wants you to work overtime, but not pay you for it? Just yell some words until your boss sheepishly walks away. Everyone knows a Japanese person can never so "no." Oh, you like that girl over there? No problem, ask her on a date and if she starts to hestitate make your voice louder and louder until she finally gives a "maybe" and bam! GIRLFRIEND! The restaurant is crowded and you and your 15 gaijin friends cant sit at one table? No problem. Use the GAIJIN SMASH! Just start talking and drinking in the aisle until everyone runs away. Now the restaurant is yours for you and your friends to enjoy.

I hope these tips help you as you tip toe around the Japanese tradition. Good luck!